The One With the Toilet Seat
1 day ago
Thursday, July 31, 2008
A little more math
Today is the last day of July!! So officially as of tomorrow I can say I'm due "in a month" or "next month" and it will really be true. Although shhhh, don't tell anyone....I've been saying that for a little bit to strangers just to avoid the crazy comments and wierd stares! LOL Course i could always just say "in a few weeks"....hmmm that even sounds better! Anyways, last day of July means that starting tomorrow I have 18 days till baby is considered full term meaning the doc won't stop labor. I have 27 days until they will schedule to induce if he hasn't arrived on his own. Leaving a max of 35 days left until he arrives based on when doc said when my most likely scheduled date would be. Besides the count down till baby arrives we also have 2 days until we move into the new house, no more than 21 working days left, and 33 days till J's 1st day of Kindergarten. Anyone else saying HOLY CRAP!
Why Boys Need Parents
This is for those mother's of boys, sisters of boys, and boys that have grown older. And anyone else who needs alaugh.Why boys need parents...And you also find out interesting things when you have sons, like...
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool,you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool,you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Top 10 Fatal Things to Say to your Preggo Wife/Girlfriend
10. "I finished the Oreos"
9. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 lbs"
8. "Ya know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Jessica Alba had a baby"
7. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever"
6. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl!"
5. "Darned if you're not about 5 lbs away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella!"
4. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that??"
3."Get your own ice cream!"
2. "Whoa! For a minute there I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
And the Number 1 most fatal thing to say to your pregnant wife..........
1. "You don't have the guts to pull the trigger"
9. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 lbs"
8. "Ya know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Jessica Alba had a baby"
7. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever"
6. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl!"
5. "Darned if you're not about 5 lbs away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella!"
4. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that??"
3."Get your own ice cream!"
2. "Whoa! For a minute there I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
And the Number 1 most fatal thing to say to your pregnant wife..........
1. "You don't have the guts to pull the trigger"
Some old Favorites
I wonder if any of you have ever heard any of these? I remember them from when I was younger, about 9 or 10. They were on an old cassette tape and I swear I listened to it so many times I wore that thing out. I've looked for years to hear them again and finally found them on youtube.com of course. The one that is Daddy's girl is one I still sing to Jayden now except changing the words a bit to Mommy's girl. She loves it and asks for it. Just one of those things I can pass on to her I suppose. Anyways, listen and enjoy! And my fellow preggo's....caution it might cause your to tear up!
Teddy Bear
Daddy's Girl
Roses for Mama
Phantom 309
Sunday, July 27, 2008
34 Weeks....40 days or less to go
I have no idea how much more I can take size wise. I am no where near as big as I was with J but man....he just seems to be carrying heavier. I can no longer just bend over...that requires my legs being apart so the belly can go between. Although he's been lower all along I do think he has dropped some which means an easier time of breathing but way more frequent trips to the bathroom. Here's a pic for your amusement.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Rules to Live By
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
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