Dear Non-Pregnant Person,
I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking, surely she doesn't mean me- then you should probably read this twice.
1) The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is "Congratulations!" with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you an ####
2) Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father- not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase "my baby".
3) On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in #2, the pregnancy, birth and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it.
4) The body of a pregnant women should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone's stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.
5) Likewise, no women wants to hear comments on her weight- ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is "You look fabulous!".
6) By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don't need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes.
7) There is a reason that tickets to L&D are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents.
8) Like everything else is life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital and the parents home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to "help out". If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.
9) If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.
10) The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents.Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask foryou to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.
I hope this helps- it sure makes me feel better.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Looking Back
Since we're getting close to that time when E should hopefully be joining us, it's made me think about to when J was born. I found a copy of her birth story that I had posted on another board back in Sept 2003. I'm just copying/pasting over.
"I'll try to keep this from being too long but I just have to include the details going along with the hurricane and Eric as well. Lets just say everything together made yesterday morning very interesting. As many of you know my doctors appointment got moved from Thursday to Wednesday due to hurricane Isabel. I wasn't expecting much of anything when I went in. But that wouldn't be normal for me then either. Turns out my blood pressure was extremely high and I had protein in my urine. So the doctor put in orders for me to be admitted to the hospital and induced the following morning. Since I wasn't expecting that I certainly had none of my stuff with me. My cousin and I spent and hour running around trying to get everything together. I'm surpised my blood pressure didn't rise even further. So Wednesday night they just monitored me. I was put on bedrest and limited visitors. After a sleepless night the nurse woke us up at 5:30am and said it was time to get things going. I showered and changed, trying my best to stay calm. My cousin had so much nervous energy as well and I think I spent a little more time calming her than myself. At 6:30am they started pitocin and at 7:10am the doctor broke my water and said I was 3-4cm. I called Eric soon after that and told him we were getting ready to have the baby and he promised to get there as quickly as possible. It was already starting to rain a bit and the winds were picking up even that early. By 8:30am I was begging for the epidural. The contractions were coming every 2 minutes almost on the dot. The only place I felt them was my hips, belly, and pelvic area but that was enough for me. Eric showed up about that time as well, bringing with him his wife, Allison. I was trying not to use the excuse of being in pain to actually say something mean. I think I behaved myself pretty well. After that heavenly man gave me the epidural we were fine and dandy and I was feeling a bit more sociable. I would occasionally feel pressure in my belly but nothing else. Doctor checked me again at 10:30am and said we had made it to 6cm. Soon after Eric left to get some food for the two of them as the hospital was only providing for patients and staff by this point. The lights had flickered several times already. Around 11:45am I started to feel the contractions again. I was having to breath through them but nothing too bad. Mostly a lot of pressure way down low. At 12:15pm doctor checked me again and said that we were completely ready. In my state of shock I actually asked her "ready for what?" LOL.About that time Isabel was really starting to hit and we lost main power and went to generators. Everyone was scrambling around trying to get things working so we could deliver. After a little over 20mins of pushing little Jayden made her appearance at 12:41pm. When they put her on my belly I was in such a state of shock all I could do was cry and hold onto her. The nurse had to ask me 3 times if she could take her to clean her up. I had a very small tear which took a couple of stitches but nothing major.Eric had decided at the last minute to wait in the waiting area so it was just me and my cousin at first with her. I must say, they are moments I will always treasure. I finally gave them permission to let him back and I swear he almost looked afraid to look at her. One look at her though and he knew she was his. He looked at Allison and said that Jayden has his eyes. I should probably also mention that she walked out very shortly after that comment. Eric didn't stay too longer either but I wasn't going to fight that. The storm was getting bad and they weren't letting visitors stay over night. We didnt want him getting stuck there.It didn't seem to take me too long to recover as well. With in a few hours I was up and moving around and took a shower. Since I'm having to bottlefeed I did end up leaving her in the nursery though. I was alone and I despirately needed that sleep. Now the two of us are at home and I must say she is a total angel. She's only been fussy once. Usually she's either asleep or sits in her little chair just kinda looking around. I'm still amazed that I was carrying her around inside for so long but I must say it was all worth it. One look into her eyes and I'd do it all over again. I guess I probably should end this now, I'm starting to tear up just thinking about it. We're safe and sound. Power is back on in my place although there's still plenty doing with out. Thankfully no major casualties and even though there is damage is nothing that can't be fixed over time. I seriously think someones looking out for us. Iknow there's a reason why I've been blessed with my little girl. I may never know why but I certainly will enjoy having her. "
"I'll try to keep this from being too long but I just have to include the details going along with the hurricane and Eric as well. Lets just say everything together made yesterday morning very interesting. As many of you know my doctors appointment got moved from Thursday to Wednesday due to hurricane Isabel. I wasn't expecting much of anything when I went in. But that wouldn't be normal for me then either. Turns out my blood pressure was extremely high and I had protein in my urine. So the doctor put in orders for me to be admitted to the hospital and induced the following morning. Since I wasn't expecting that I certainly had none of my stuff with me. My cousin and I spent and hour running around trying to get everything together. I'm surpised my blood pressure didn't rise even further. So Wednesday night they just monitored me. I was put on bedrest and limited visitors. After a sleepless night the nurse woke us up at 5:30am and said it was time to get things going. I showered and changed, trying my best to stay calm. My cousin had so much nervous energy as well and I think I spent a little more time calming her than myself. At 6:30am they started pitocin and at 7:10am the doctor broke my water and said I was 3-4cm. I called Eric soon after that and told him we were getting ready to have the baby and he promised to get there as quickly as possible. It was already starting to rain a bit and the winds were picking up even that early. By 8:30am I was begging for the epidural. The contractions were coming every 2 minutes almost on the dot. The only place I felt them was my hips, belly, and pelvic area but that was enough for me. Eric showed up about that time as well, bringing with him his wife, Allison. I was trying not to use the excuse of being in pain to actually say something mean. I think I behaved myself pretty well. After that heavenly man gave me the epidural we were fine and dandy and I was feeling a bit more sociable. I would occasionally feel pressure in my belly but nothing else. Doctor checked me again at 10:30am and said we had made it to 6cm. Soon after Eric left to get some food for the two of them as the hospital was only providing for patients and staff by this point. The lights had flickered several times already. Around 11:45am I started to feel the contractions again. I was having to breath through them but nothing too bad. Mostly a lot of pressure way down low. At 12:15pm doctor checked me again and said that we were completely ready. In my state of shock I actually asked her "ready for what?" LOL.About that time Isabel was really starting to hit and we lost main power and went to generators. Everyone was scrambling around trying to get things working so we could deliver. After a little over 20mins of pushing little Jayden made her appearance at 12:41pm. When they put her on my belly I was in such a state of shock all I could do was cry and hold onto her. The nurse had to ask me 3 times if she could take her to clean her up. I had a very small tear which took a couple of stitches but nothing major.Eric had decided at the last minute to wait in the waiting area so it was just me and my cousin at first with her. I must say, they are moments I will always treasure. I finally gave them permission to let him back and I swear he almost looked afraid to look at her. One look at her though and he knew she was his. He looked at Allison and said that Jayden has his eyes. I should probably also mention that she walked out very shortly after that comment. Eric didn't stay too longer either but I wasn't going to fight that. The storm was getting bad and they weren't letting visitors stay over night. We didnt want him getting stuck there.It didn't seem to take me too long to recover as well. With in a few hours I was up and moving around and took a shower. Since I'm having to bottlefeed I did end up leaving her in the nursery though. I was alone and I despirately needed that sleep. Now the two of us are at home and I must say she is a total angel. She's only been fussy once. Usually she's either asleep or sits in her little chair just kinda looking around. I'm still amazed that I was carrying her around inside for so long but I must say it was all worth it. One look into her eyes and I'd do it all over again. I guess I probably should end this now, I'm starting to tear up just thinking about it. We're safe and sound. Power is back on in my place although there's still plenty doing with out. Thankfully no major casualties and even though there is damage is nothing that can't be fixed over time. I seriously think someones looking out for us. Iknow there's a reason why I've been blessed with my little girl. I may never know why but I certainly will enjoy having her. "
Ugh my Back
I really think this little guy has moved way down b/c the last couple days I've been having some pretty bad back pain. Plus teh more frequent trips to the bathroom are a clue! Back to my back issue....ya it's bad. I spent like 45 minutes in the shower last night just letting the hot water hit it trying to help and it didn't. Today the same thing. It's like a pinching right in the small of my back and it doesn't matter what I'm doing. On top of that when he moves I get a sharp pain in my right hip. Feels like something pinching there too. Seriously.....I'm DONE. Have I mentioned that before?
Full Moon!
It's a full moon this weekend!! Rumor has it that women are much more likely to go into labor during a full moon. Something about the moons pull on water and the fact that we are like 70% water at this point. Heck, I'll be 37 weeks exactly (going by my doctor, 38 going by the u/s) so they wouldn't stop labor. And I know at least one other person who wouldn't mind labor starting!
And if you don't believe it.....Check out THIS article.
And if you don't believe it.....Check out THIS article.
Monday, August 11, 2008
36 Week Check Up
As I posted earlier I got the lovely joy of visiting the doc and getting really personal. Turns out we are 2-3cm dialated. Also, that spotting is a sign of losing the plug thats been holding everything in. It tends to happen when things start opening up in there. The doc gave the ok to start walking or having sex if we want to help jump start things. Don't know about that as X still needs his leave to be approved and such but we shall see. Doctors parting words were...see you next Monday unless he comes first!! Considering the number of BH contractions I've had just in the last few hours.....it really is a waiting game!
Nesting?
So last night I managed to get a TON done. And it really was through a giant spurt of energy. course we moved like a week ago so obviously not every little thing is unpacked. really it was our bedroom. I had been procrastinating on putting clothes away b/c it's the one thing I despise. seriously, we go through so much trouble to fold and put away things neatly or hang them up, only to take it right back out the next day. wait you don't do that?? maybe it's just me and the fact I have 2 pants and like 3 shirts I can wear now. Very limited selection. Anyways, needless to say there were boxes/bags piled in our room. X didn't seem to worried about it but then we can always close our door to hide it. then last night I was getting J into the shower and was straightening up a bit. I had done laundry earlier in the day to include washing some of E's clothes. Once I got started i couldn't stop!! After J got done and then to bed I literally tackled our room. And when I say tackled...yes I mean literally. I was breathing hard and sweating by the time I was done. Where once before you could barely walk we can see carpet. heck i could probably vacuum now with out worries of something getting sucked up that shouldn't. clothes are hung and organized in the closet. Clothes stacked in neat piles on the long table...our make shift "dresser" for the time. I even got the huge sack of towels/sheets folded and put away in the hall closet. And if that weren't enough...I started tossing things in the bag I plan to take to the hospital and THEN installed the babies seat in my car. man was that wierd this morning seeing two carseats back there. Thankfully it fits really well. Much better than J's ever did when she was an infant. That thing was so huge it could go only in the middle and then it was with the seats moved pretty far forward. At least with this one we can sit comfortably up front still.
So what does all this cleaning mean? Most say it's nesting. Something a preggo will do before baby is born. Like an internal alarm that "Hey...I'm coming!! Get ready! NOW!" It usually involves scrubbing every single thing in site although for me...out of site does just fine. Thank god for closets! What exactly brings it on?? Nobody really knows I'm sure. Course for me, it was probably noticing a bit of spotting last night, usually indicated that all that glop that has sealed up the cervix for the last 9 months is starting to lose it's hold. A sign that stuff is a happening down there. Ya, that might kick someones butt in gear!
Needless to say we are entirely ready for baby to make his appearance. material wise. Emotionally....probably getting very close. Physically...I know I'm way past ready. I'm at that point where it hurts even to cough cause it causes him to put down on my cervix. And goodness...it could be an olympic event getting up for the bathroom at night since as I sit up he pushes down on my bladder and I'm fighting not to wet myself. Hmmm...I wonder how X would react?? Ok, ok...that would be mean. Although I have been tempted to do the water trick in the kitchen just to have a little fun. Course, then when it really happened he wouldn't believe me I'm sure!
We'll find out for sure in a few hours though if anything is really progressing. I almost dread the start of these appointments where the doc gets to, joyfully I'm sure, shove their hand where under any other circumstances would be grounds for a law suit. Ok, in today's society i could so see something doing that too! The law suit I mean. I dread these appointments b/c there is only one thing they can say that would make a preggo happy about it. Thats "it's time to have a baby....the head is practically falling out!". Anything short of that leads to utter disappointment or spending the next week on pins and needles. Who ever told a doc it was ok to tell a woman she wouldn't make it to her next appointment or baby is coming any time should be shot. B/c you can be sure when that baby doesn't arrive and the appointment does...there's going to be one ticked off preggo in that office demanding to know why baby hasn't arrived and just what exactly are they going to do about it.
What could be even worse than predicting that baby will be here soon?? Telling that same preggo that all is closed up tight and she isn't even showing signs of labor like dialating or effacing and such. The preggos' response?? Well then make it start! LOL Sorry but it's true. I've read many a blog/post of women leaving the doctors office in tears b/c their body hadn't started progressing yet. And by the time you hit 36/37 weeks your just DONE. Unless you have been there before you could not truely understand. It's the point where we become completely irrational. Yes, being pregnant is really 40 weeks. But doc says they are full term and ready at 37 so why go an extra 3 weeks?? I can't judge...I'm there now. Especially since J was a 37 weeker and was completely healthy. I don't even bother looking at the ticker anymore. Besides, counting down in days sounds so much better than weeks. 4 weeks is an eternity....27 days (really no more than 23 for me) sounds way more manageable. course, you may need to remind me of that in about 20 days when I'm griping and groaning "Why hasn't he come yet!!"
Ok, I'll stop now....
So what does all this cleaning mean? Most say it's nesting. Something a preggo will do before baby is born. Like an internal alarm that "Hey...I'm coming!! Get ready! NOW!" It usually involves scrubbing every single thing in site although for me...out of site does just fine. Thank god for closets! What exactly brings it on?? Nobody really knows I'm sure. Course for me, it was probably noticing a bit of spotting last night, usually indicated that all that glop that has sealed up the cervix for the last 9 months is starting to lose it's hold. A sign that stuff is a happening down there. Ya, that might kick someones butt in gear!
Needless to say we are entirely ready for baby to make his appearance. material wise. Emotionally....probably getting very close. Physically...I know I'm way past ready. I'm at that point where it hurts even to cough cause it causes him to put down on my cervix. And goodness...it could be an olympic event getting up for the bathroom at night since as I sit up he pushes down on my bladder and I'm fighting not to wet myself. Hmmm...I wonder how X would react?? Ok, ok...that would be mean. Although I have been tempted to do the water trick in the kitchen just to have a little fun. Course, then when it really happened he wouldn't believe me I'm sure!
We'll find out for sure in a few hours though if anything is really progressing. I almost dread the start of these appointments where the doc gets to, joyfully I'm sure, shove their hand where under any other circumstances would be grounds for a law suit. Ok, in today's society i could so see something doing that too! The law suit I mean. I dread these appointments b/c there is only one thing they can say that would make a preggo happy about it. Thats "it's time to have a baby....the head is practically falling out!". Anything short of that leads to utter disappointment or spending the next week on pins and needles. Who ever told a doc it was ok to tell a woman she wouldn't make it to her next appointment or baby is coming any time should be shot. B/c you can be sure when that baby doesn't arrive and the appointment does...there's going to be one ticked off preggo in that office demanding to know why baby hasn't arrived and just what exactly are they going to do about it.
What could be even worse than predicting that baby will be here soon?? Telling that same preggo that all is closed up tight and she isn't even showing signs of labor like dialating or effacing and such. The preggos' response?? Well then make it start! LOL Sorry but it's true. I've read many a blog/post of women leaving the doctors office in tears b/c their body hadn't started progressing yet. And by the time you hit 36/37 weeks your just DONE. Unless you have been there before you could not truely understand. It's the point where we become completely irrational. Yes, being pregnant is really 40 weeks. But doc says they are full term and ready at 37 so why go an extra 3 weeks?? I can't judge...I'm there now. Especially since J was a 37 weeker and was completely healthy. I don't even bother looking at the ticker anymore. Besides, counting down in days sounds so much better than weeks. 4 weeks is an eternity....27 days (really no more than 23 for me) sounds way more manageable. course, you may need to remind me of that in about 20 days when I'm griping and groaning "Why hasn't he come yet!!"
Ok, I'll stop now....
Please Vote!
We all know that J is beautiful! LOL maybe I'm a bit biased but I do hear the comment often enough to help boost the ego there. Anyways, a local photographer is having a contest to determine the new face of her photography company. I entered J into the contest and would love to see her win! So go HERE to cast a vote....J is number 8 on the list.
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