Friday, July 18, 2008

Uncomfortable Situations

I hate being in a situation where I'm not quite sure what to say or do. When it comes to dealing with J's father it's just that type of situation. For some background we haven't spoken 2 words to each other in over 4 years. She'll be 5 in do the math. When we had last spoken it wasn't exactly on the best of terms. He had just gotten confirmation that she was his and I'm sure was trying to figure out how to admit to his new wife that I wasn't the liar I was made out to be. But that was his issue not mine. In those years I've gotten the child support check every month and thats it. He has never sent her a birthday card, christmas card, called to see how she was doing....nothing.

Then he decided to get out of the Navy in May of this year and her insurance got cancelled. I waited a bit to see if I would get something from him saying what the deal was b/c the court order says he is responsible for providing it. It's now half way through July and still haven't heard anything and since she starts kindergarten in September I needed to get it figured out b/c she needs her physical and such. So I sent him a certified letter on Monday, signature required and also restricted delivery so that only he was allowed to sign for it. I've only met his wife I think twice but I know she can't stand me. I didn't want to risk that she would get it and he would never see it. yes, that's speculating but it was worth the extra $$ to make sure he got it as he should.

Today, much to my surprise he called me. I had no idea until after work when I checked my messages and darn near wrecked my car when I heard the message. I was shocked to say the least b/c honestly I figured if he did anything it would be through the mail. I also noticed he tried to call several times about an hour after that but I still didnt' know it was him at that point so I did my disconnect thing I do with sales calls so they won't go to voicemail. Once I realized it was actually him trying to call I called back and left him a message. He just called me again a few minutes ago.

To say it wasn't awkward would be untrue. I darn near didn't answer the phone but hey, we all gotta deal with uncomfortable things at times. Surprisingly he was totally civil, gave me the plan #'s and contact information for the company so that her doctor to check to see if they accept it so I could go ahead and find out if we would need to switch. he actually apologized for calling so late.

The one thing that didn't happen though is he didn't ask about her. How she is or anything. I know I probably sounded uncomfortable so I don't know if thats why or if he just really doesn't want to know. I wish he would have just to know that he isn't totally uncaring of his child but I also know you can't force someone to be involved. She's gone almost 5 years now with out knowing him and has survived and is thriving. Of course she knows who he is and what he looks like and maybe when she gets older she'll want answers. But hopefully she'll understand that I didn't do anything to prevent her from knowing him and hopefully he'll have the answers she needs. Only time will tell.


Sweetrld said...

I'm glad you've got her insurance stuff straightend out! The rest will fall into place one day... Unfortunatly there's not much you could do except to wait and see. I know you're doing everything you can to prepare her for it though!

Anonymous said...

Hay lady "South Side Alum" I find your story touching and painful all at the same time. I feel GOD doesn't put more on us than we can bare. In time all things come to the light and your lovely daughter will learn to understand everything. My granny always use to say Mommy's babies Daddy's Maybe's. You being the best mom you can be is all that you can do the rest will work it self out in the end. His phone call was his first step, i am sure there will be many more steps taken by the three of yall. Good luck with all. Tiffany Lee

Michelle said...

I really hope he can come to his senses and have atleast a caring thought for her sweetie! Good on your for contacting him though.

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